Star

House of dreams

By Nicole Precel

2nd February 2010 11:05:23 AM

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Sandra Lackas and son Bailey, 8, on their farm in Upper Plenty. Sandra’s husband Steve was killed in the Black Saturday fires. 41922 Picture: SARAH MATRAY

SITTING in her makeshift home, a shed on her Upper Plenty property, Sandra Lackas is talking about building the home she and her husband had dreamed about.

She fights back tears and laughs about her husband’s spending habits, and prioritising his “toys” over a septic system.

But he’s not there to rile her with his anecdotes - he died fighting the Black Saturday bushfires almost a year ago on the very property on which she still lives.

On 7 February last year, Sandra and her son Bailey, 8, left her husband Steve at their home.

“They gave me 10 minutes, the fireys,” she said.

“(Steve) was trying to save the house and get a few things out ... but he didn’t come home.”

It was a few hours later that her brother-in-law Daniel went to search through the melted framework and ashen remains.

He didn’t find anything on his first trip, but Sandra said she knew her husband had already died.

“I would have rather me found him than them go up,” she said.

She said Daniel tried to tell her over the phone, ‘there’s something I have to tell ya, but I don’t want to’,” she mimicked.

“He couldn’t tell me, but I already knew. It was hard and all I could do was sit out in the paddock, in the heat. There was nothing I could do.”

She wanted to scream her head off and cry, but she didn’t even have her home, her sanctuary, to do that in.

“You sort of think, what now,” she said.

“I don’t think I slept for days after that.”

She still has vivid dreams and visions of how he died, where he was and the position in which her brother-in-law found him.

Sandra said they honoured Steve with a celebration rather than a funeral.

“It was fitting for Steve - would have loved a few more stubby shorts and singlets,” she said.

The couple had been married for nine years, together for about 14 years and lived on their property for 12.

“We loved the place. Even though we were different, in ways we were so alike,” she said.

For Sandra, it is the little battles now that are sometimes the hardest.

“I don’t know if I’ve dealt with some of the things. I don’t think I’ve grieved yet,” she said.

She works as an actress on City Homicide and said that passion had also helped her get through.

“You have to try to have a bit of normal. Laugh - it’s very important,” she said.

“I try to find my happiness, find the good things. The glass isn’t always half-empty, it’s half full.”

Sandra is dreading the upcoming anniversary of the fires, but she wants to honour her husband.

“You have to keep your dreams alive, even if they’ve changed a bit,” she said.